I Am Amazing

I sold my self esteem workshop idea to the director of the NGO I’m working for and guess what? he completely loved it! I was really excited because I got to deliver it to both schools I  was working with. I also devised a creative writing and poetry workshop to encourage creativity from the children since I’m a poet and I wanted to use any opportunity to share what I know with others. Turns out both of the headteachers also loved the idea and were willing to give me a whole day to do each of the workshops with different classes. One loved it so much that he wanted us to talk about the possibility of me moving to Ghana!  I didn’t expect this much responsibility so I was blown away but still really psyched by the whole thing. I spent all day (and practically all night) planning and perfecting my workshops.

A few of my posers and a very flushed me after Day 1

I was nervous to deliver the workshop. I stayed one week in each school to deliver and work with them. I spent the first day just going from classroom to classroom and introducing myself so they can familiarise with me then the next day I began the workshops. As I looked around the classrooms all I got back were intrigued faces that stared at me with open curiosity. They didn’t know what I was there to do, they were interested in my accent and I was told that I was the first black volunteer to attend both schools so they didn’t know what to make of me.

During the warm up exercise

Although we had great fun delivering all the workshops, the one that really stuck to me from both schools was an activity we did which I called ‘I am Amazing’ where they designed  flowers and wrote their reasons in each of the four petal why they were amazing. Even the teachers got involved! I realised that in life we don’t often sit back and think that we are amazing because we don’t want to appear cocky or obnoxious but why can’t we praise or boast of ourselves? Why must we always wait for others to say it? Listening to the children say why they were amazing ( ‘I am amazing because I am a great friend) really encouraged me because I saw how it gave them a sense of confidence and pride and that’s all we really need, a little  self encouragement to enable us to believe in ourselves. When we do, we can go on to achieve great things, something that the children then began to say to me ‘madam I’m going to be a pilot’ ‘madam I’m going to be doctor’ . I told them there was no limitations to what they can do except what was in their mind as we are often our own biggest setback. I also asked them to share with the class what they wanted to be when they got older and some of the responses were brilliant! I told the kids to remember their dreams, remember why they are amazing and every time they feel down, to read the amazing things they said about themselves and to use it also as their positive affirmation.

Some of the students presenting their 'I Am Amazing Flowers'

A few students posing with their flowers

Speaking to the children I was also speaking to myself. I too needed to remind myself I was amazing and I was the best at being me. In my late teens and early twenties depression got to me really bad and I suffered silently which eventually led to me attempting suicide twice. Why I never succeeded in them I don’t know, but here I was at the age of 27 getting a revelation from school children that I am amazing. Working with them really helped connect me to the little girl in me who never felt good enough. I went home at the week and cried tears of happiness. Sometimes we feel like our lives is so bad until you meet other people who remind you that the fact that you are breathing, your life is good because we only have our times here on earth to be the amazing people that we are.

Myself with Rejoice and her flower

Are you a White or Black Woman?

In Ghana , I was to volunteer in two schools. I didn't know what I would do as I wasn't a teacher but I was open to whatever came my way. During my first week in Ghana I met three girls and a boy who were funded by the NGO I was on to attend school. The first thing they asked me was ‘Are you a black woman or a white woman?’ I found the question strange and I responded by sticking my arm out and comparing it to one of the girls and replied ‘How can I be white when I look just like you? I’m African just like you’. The girl smiled and responded by giving me a tight hug and the rest al followed suit saying ‘Madame madame you are just like us’. However, I was left feeling rather perplexed by their initial question, nothing about my features suggested I had a hint of white in me. Could they also be faced with the same complex I had as a kid that white equals privileged? Even in Africa where it is not a place where you meet white people everyday, how could they still feel like this? What were they being taught?

            

One of the girls later said to me, ‘I want to die because this life is not easy’ The girl was nine. I was troubled by her statement and asked her why she felt that way and she explained to me that her mum had left her when she was seven and went to live in another country without telling her and she lives with her grandmother. She had said she was going to church the day she left and she never came back. I asked her if she missed hermum and she nodded her head. I told her that I can be her friend as I would be there for the next five weeks to which she then proceeded to cry.

It took me back to when I first moved to the UK.  My mum had gone ahead of us and when she had managed to get enough money from all the cleaning jobs she did, she sent for us to come. It made me  regret ever being ashamed of her for not conforming to British culture and why she had held on so tightly to her culture. She didn't want us to forget who we were and where we came from and she was the only one who could make sure of that.  We don't always understand why our parents make certain decisions or sacrifices and sometimes we will never understand or appreciate as children until we become much older. That's why I believe this girl's mother couldn’t have just abandoned her as I believed her mother was doing the same thing my own mother had done 25 years ago.



And then it dawned on me what I was to do with the children. A self esteem workshop!